Missing Your Ex? Here’s What Psychology Reveals

Why moving on from an ex isn’t as simple as it seems

Ending a relationship can feel like losing a part of yourself. While saying goodbye to a partner is painful, the real challenge often lies in letting go of the emotional connection you once shared.

Even long after the breakup, you might find yourself thinking about your ex, wanting to hear their voice, share a personal victory, vent about a bad day, or simply wondering how they’re doing. Maybe you just miss the comfort of a hug or the feeling of being understood.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. These urges don’t mean you’re weak, they’re signs of a deep emotional bond.

According to attachment theory, romantic relationships are more than temporary feelings; they’re built through vulnerability, trust, and shared experiences. These connections don’t disappear overnight. They leave emotional footprints that can shape how we feel, think, and act long after the relationship ends.

How Long Does Emotional Attachment Last?

Researchers from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign explored this question by studying nearly 300 people who had been in long-term romantic relationships. Even after breaking up, many participants admitted they still felt emotionally tied to their ex. Some missed turning to them during tough times. Others said they still dreamt about them or often found themselves lost in memories.

These lingering feelings are signs of ongoing psychological attachment. Like a fading signal, the emotional connection doesn’t vanish, it gradually weakens. On average, researchers found that it takes about four years for people to feel half as emotionally attached to an ex as they did just after the breakup.

Why Letting Go Feels So Difficult

Healing is not a one-size-fits-all process. Some people hold on for much longer, especially those who didn’t initiate the breakup or are still in contact with their ex. In some cases, emotional attachment can last over a decade.

Your attachment style also matters. People with an anxious attachment (those who seek closeness and reassurance) or those who are comfortable with intimacy (low avoidance) tend to maintain emotional ties longer.

Can You Ever Fully Move On?

Interestingly, those who ended the relationship often found it easier to move forward. But starting a new relationship didn’t necessarily erase old attachments. Many began new romances while still feeling emotionally drawn to their ex.

One effective way to create space for healing is to limit or stop contact with your ex. But even then, it’s important to remember: emotional bonds don’t dissolve just because the relationship ends. They fade gradually, and that’s okay.

If you’re still thinking about your ex months or even years later, take comfort in this truth: You’re not broken. You’re healing. Recovery isn’t about forcing yourself to forget, it’s about slowly reclaiming your sense of self and your future.

Allow yourself time. Let the process be imperfect. The fact that your love left a mark only proves how deeply you’re capable of feeling and loving again, even stronger than before.